Block. Report. Move On. Why I No Longer React to Online Harassment.
In this piece, a gameHER describes her history of dealing with online harassment as a woman streamer from when she first launched her online content to the present day. Reflecting on how her experience as a woman in the real world prepared her for the way the online world would treat her, she shares her story of anger and resilience in learning to “Block, Report, and Move On.”
By Mxiety/Marie Shanley
When I started creating live content online, I wanted to do a test stream. The idea was that I would introduce myself while I hung up Halloween lights in my living room. About 10 minutes into the show, someone came in and told me they loved watching me because I was beautiful. The first thing I did was consider my outfit. Were my leggings too accentuating? Was my top too revealing? What had I done to cause someone to want to comment on my body?
I blocked the person and ended my stream, as at the time I had no moderators and there was no other way to protect myself. The worst part of the experience? I expected it. It’s not that there is anything wrong with complimenting someone’s looks. It’s the fact that I knew what usually comes after such a compliment. There’s always a price.
No, I don’t exactly have a high opinion of my looks. It’s because since I was in high school, I was taught by my older sister that I needed to scowl if I was going to walk through New York City. Because when I posted a picture of myself at my family pool party on MySpace, a strange, older man commented saying that I looked “like jailbait.” I locked my profile after that.
My point being: it’s exhausting, but it’s not unexpected. Indeed, it seems to be the norm.
When it came to lessons about my safety, online and off, taught to me by male and female family members alike, it was clear that I would be at fault if I was hurt somehow. Being a woman, I am someone who “tempts” just by existing. And if I wanted to enjoy a harassment-free time online, I had to understand that men would be men, so it would be up to me to keep myself safe. Yes, women might be predators too, but the issues described here, in my experience, were not put forth by women.
So, when I started my online brand with that first livestream, I was putting myself in a dangerous position of being online publicly as a woman. I received a few requests to send pictures of my feet, which resulted in my having to close my DMs on Twitch. After a few messages of “hey babe” from random strangers on Twitter, my DMs were closed off there too.
At one point I was worried that I would miss out on industry opportunities, and so I re-opened the private messaging option. Within a week, I received three unsolicited messages. One asked me to be someone’s “sugar baby.” One asked me if I wanted to see a picture of the messenger’s genitals. When I told my girlfriend how appalled I was about the second incident, she advised that I was “lucky he asked” because she had gotten the whole kit and caboodle without warning before.
Again, that’s how desensitized we are.
Being a woman online means I enter online games (I rarely play as it is) with my microphone on mute always. It means that if I post pictures of myself wearing a shirt with a bit more cleavage than usual, someone will tell me I am just trying to get more “likes.” My body is not mine to display as I would like. It is always someone else’s, and that someone else will judge whether or not what I am wearing is acceptable and inoffensive to others.
That’s why I am not surprised by and done reacting to people being offensive, assuming I would like their opinion about my voice, my body. My reaction offers power to the complimenter that I am not willing to give any longer.
I do still try to be patient. Through my live content, I have created an educational platform. Should someone stop by my stream and want to comment on my appearance, they are told “thank you” but to please refrain from doing so in the future if the conversation has nothing to do with appearances. Should someone tell me that they’re so glad that I do not look like “one of those girls”, I explain that putting another woman down to give me a compliment makes me feel uncomfortable and ask them to refrain.
But it shouldn’t always be my job to educate people patiently. It shouldn’t always be my job to tell a troll that if only they came into my chat with a better attitude, they might be able to make friends instead of enemies.
I can be tired and still want to keep myself safe in a world where these dynamics are perceived to be normal. That’s why I Block, Report, and Move on.
About the author:
Mxiety/Marie Shanley, photo courtesy of the author
Mxiety/Marie Shanley is a mental health talk show host and Twitch streamer with a background in medical editing, research, and writing. Her personal struggles with depression, anxiety, and more have been collected on her blog and published in a compilation “Well That Explains It.” Through her live content, she strives to be the bridge between mental health professionals and those seeking to learn more through open discussions about everything and anything.
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To read more about gaming and mental health, check out: At the Corner of Mental Health Avenue and Gaming Street
To read about an inclusive gaming league formed so players could get away from online harassment, check out: Discreet Elite: A League Birthed from the Need for Change
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