How Video Games Helped Me Become A Better Parent
As we know here at the*gameHERs, video games sometimes can step up when we need them the most. Being a parent brings many challenges, and there are some ways gaming can make things easier. In this blog post, a gameHER tells her story of how video games helped her become a better parent.
By Yali Perez
Illustration of a mother and child playing video games
Gaming has come a long way since its inception decades ago, but its reputation has not made similar strides. Video games are still credited with promoting acts of violence and there are even video game rehabs. The birth of online gaming influencers has its own criticism. Still, the gaming community and culture is mostly a place of fun and acceptance.
These fundamental values of fun and acceptance are also prevalent in parenting and parenthood. Like gaming, parenting styles and parenthood has its own fair share of criticism. Yet, for me, video games and other unconventional mediums have helped me become the parent I always wanted to be.
My parents were teenagers when they had my younger brother and me. I was born the day before my mom’s 17th birthday. And I have been a gift ever since. Essentially my parents, my brother and I all grew up together. You can imagine how difficult that was for all parties involved. As they were dealing with their own adolescence, they were also responsible for making adult decisions. Sometimes they made the right decisions and sometimes they did not; my brother and I had to adapt to a life built on shaky foundation. My parents had to grow up fast and that inadvertently made my brother and I grow up fast too.
You would think watching my parents struggle would keep me from repeating their choices. Well, not really. I found myself an 18-year-old college student, pregnant. I was older than my mom when she had her first child, but I was still a teen! I was faced with a decision: to have a baby and leave college (I had a high-risk pregnancy), or not. I chose to have the baby and I do not regret it.
Now you are wondering, “where video games come in?” I am getting to that part. So here I am, a single mother with a baby boy and no real clue as to what I am doing. I know that I love my son and I want to be a good mother. But how do I do that? When my son was colicky — which means he would cry all the time —I found that video game music and soundtracks would calm him down.
Thank you, Legend of Zelda, you are the real MVP.
My son learned to read not just from books but by reading the cases of Nintendo and PlayStation games. Educational programs he watched like Sesame Street, Bubble Guppies and Team Umizoomi had games on the DS that let him test what he learned. When I was trying to lose some baby weight, we would play Zumba on the Wii.
These may seem like normal ways to use the medium of gaming and for most they probably are. For me it was different. I did not get to play video games with my parents or really any games with them. My mom worked long hours to try to provide for us and my dad was struggling with his own demons. Video games were a way for my brother and me to deal with our loneliness. Sometimes gaming was our babysitter; it represented all the hours my mom worked and us not seeing her. Now here I am with my own son, playing games with him. Making memories with him. To him they represent happiness, togetherness, love, and fun.
My son is currently 10 and gaming is so much a part of our lives. We have Mario Kart tournaments during the holidays, we watch Youtubers play games together, we watch E3 and other gaming cons together. I have Kingdom Hearts tattoo on my calf, to commemorate the first game we played together, and it was his first game he beat on his own. He was 3 years old! My son will sometimes use a moment of gaming as an opportunity to talk to me about something serious or personal in his life. Gaming allowed him to not only see it as his safe place but also see me as someone he could trust and rely on. He knows I will have his back when a horde of zombies come rushing in, like in Left 4 Dead, and I will always have his back in the real world too.
And video games helped my mom and I heal our relationship and become closer. Recently, we started playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons together. We designed and built things together on our island of Alola; and celebrated when it got 5 stars! Gaming together allowed us to spend mother/daughter time, something we were not ever able to do in the past. My mom even plays games with my son! Their favorites to play together are any LEGO game and I usually provide clues if they need them.
As a parent myself, I know that there are certain biases attached to gaming. I understand the need to monitor what our kids consume. Video games can be more than just the fun they are intended for if you want them to be. Gamer parents probably understand this better than others. Gaming can be a teaching tool, exercise, a chance to bond, or if you are like me, a chance to heal old wounds and start a new era of healthy parenting.
About the Author:
Yali Perez, photo courtesy of the author
Yali Perez is a 29-year-old freelance writer and single mom from Philadelphia, PA. The self proclaimed "professional nerd," enjoys writing about anime, gaming, comics, Disney and anything under the umbrella of pop culture. She currently writes a column "A Mom's Guide to Anime," about anime and parenting on Funimation's blog. Perez is has also written about issues relating to the LGBTQ+ community, Women, Women of Color and the people living the "American Dream." Yali Perez hopes to inspire mothers to live colorfully and not bounded by tradition.
Follow Yali on Social Media:
Instagram: Yali-BLM!��� (@beautifully_yali)
Twitter: @beautifullynerd
Funimation Column: https://www.funimation.com/blog/tag/a-moms-guide-to-anime/
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