Red Dead Reflections
This fifteen-year-old gameHER tells the story of how Red Dead Redemption 2 helped her get through rough times in her life, escape reality when her Mild Cerebral Palsy has kept her from being active, and find her calling to be an actress.
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:
This piece contains Red Dead Redemption 2 spoilers. In addition, in this story, the writer discusses how gaming helped her overcome suicidal thoughts. We understand this may be triggering to some readers.
My name is Xiola L, and I happen to have a very interesting life story.
When I was born I had zero brain and heart activity. I weighed 3 pounds 6 ounces. My doctor said I’d be a vegetable for the rest of my life. One of the doctors resuscitated me for 45 minutes when most of the time they only do it for fifteen minutes. I have a 15% inward hip rotation. But I turned out to be just fine, minus me having Mild Cerebral Palsy (Mild CP).
CP is a disability that for me affects my legs (for others it can affect other parts of the body). My CP being mild, I don’t really mind it. Being disabled doesn't allow me to get out and be active. That's why I play video games. Through video games, I also have an escape from reality.
A few years ago I was going through a rough time with depression and suicidal thoughts. I remember one time specifically. It was October 24th, 2018, and I was going to overdose on painkillers. I was just about to end my life when one thing popped into my head at that moment: Red Dead Redemption 2.
Red Dead has helped me so much over the two years since its release.
Even when it was announced in 2017, before it ever released, it helped my mental health, overall well-being, and helped me find my calling in a future career of being an actress. The first Red Dead Redemption (2010) is what got the idea in my head of taking that path, and I sat on the idea for eight years! When RDR2 came out, I knew that’s what I wanted to do.
Last October one of my friends got murdered. During that time I played Red Dead and it helped me through. Every time I play Red Dead 2 I still discover new things – it's such a big game! Over the years I’ve seen the actors & actresses respond to us fans, and it is absolutely amazing to see their reactions. As an aspiring actress, I can only dream of how much that would mean.
I’ve Played Red Dead 21 times. One of the coolest things that I’ve seen is in Ben’s performance as Dutch, and the way he captures the change Dutch goes through from Chapter 1 to Chapter 6. You can see the transformation. Even in his voice, it changes when Dutch sees Hosea (Curzon Dobell) gets killed by Andrew Million (John Hitcock). That was nice to see, but it was heartbreaking at the same time because I know where and how Dutch ends up. Another performance I love is Alex’s of Sadie Adler: her build up from a heartbroken widow to a widow hellbent on revenge over the death of her husband, Jake. In the end, I love and appreciate what the actors’ performances turned out to be. From Roger’s as Arthur Morgan to Peter’s as Micah Bell…then of course we have the camp mama Kaili Vernoff as Susan Grimshaw – if you piss her off expect to be slapped across the face.
As I’ve taken in information from different actors & actresses I’m still doing things to open the door into the acting business. I’ve taken headshots, and I'm in a theater production, but for most part I'm treading water. I know I don’t know everything about acting. I know it’s a hard business. For me though, it’s not about the money or the fame, it’s about the doing. About doing what I love, and I truly do believe that I can and will make it.
For another blog on mental health, check out: The Corner of Mental Health Avenue and Gaming Street
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